Luci Dark is the product of a grand experiment. In a leap of faith, humans alter their brains, forcing their subconscious minds to recognize everyone as their own children.

It's a breakthrough, for now they love everyone instinctively, as a mother loves her son. It turns men into shining knights, and women into their adoring cheerleaders.

It also makes them easy targets, which is why they alter their brains a little further, for those special times when Mommy needs brutal violence.

In 1755, off the coast of Portugal, an undersea quake spawned a wave that broke the spine of a ship full of wayward girls. The girls had been forced to choose between a convent, or sailing to the New World to marry rough men.

They went for the rough men, but ended up trapped on a sinking ship, until an unlikely passerby offered another hard choice.

Now, 265 years later, their children have returned to Earth, bringing a gift.

If God asks you to pull his finger, don't do it.

Joshua the Prophet was created by God himself, three hours ago, in a pod that resembled a porta-potty hurtling toward Earth. As he approached the humans at divine velocity, Joshua knew he was made for a mission, and it would be so cool to know what it was. God had refused to explain His Divine Plan, saying only that it would be more fun as a surprise.

Joshua suspected he'd been sent to save humanity from the aliens. They had finally made the momentous First Contact, which turned out to be a prank. Now the alien bastards had offered humanity a shortcut to Christian sainthood, Old-Testament style. If you accept their turbocharged grace, the aliens will transform you into the unholy offspring of Mother Theresa and Dirty Harry.

FINALIST FOR THE 2023 PROMETHEUS AWARD FOR BEST LIBERTARIAN SCI FI

Half-aliens prowl the Earth, defying our laws, banging our women and laughing at our taxes. I mean really laughing. They think our taxes are hilarious, and how is a man supposed to perform with half-alien women giggling at his pay stub?

Of all the half-aliens, Luci Dark is widely regarded as the most annoying, so they chose her as their ambassador. Now she's shopping for a little patch of Earth to call, home, say, 10,000 square miles. Every right-thinking Human welcomes that idea like a fart at a wedding.

A half-alien colony would really need defending, so they've hired the very human Tom Pine to build robotic sentries, beneath Luci Dark's watchful eye. What could possibly go wrong?

Half-aliens are colonizing Earth, building a Libertarian paradise in the Australian outback, and they invited Humans to join them. Naturally this is a global calamity, because the Libertarian colony might succeed.

Tina is manning the East gate, greeting new immigrants. So far this morning, she has welcomed Ron Paul, Chuck Norris, and Jesus. Jesus was no real problem, but Ron and Chuck brought too many pregnant girlfriends.