Luci Dark is the product of a grand experiment. In a leap of faith, humans alter their brains, forcing their subconscious minds to recognize everyone as their own children.

It's a breakthrough, for now they love everyone instinctively, as a mother loves her son. It turns men into shining knights, and women into their adoring cheerleaders.

It also makes them easy targets, which is why they alter their brains a little further, for those special times when Mommy needs brutal violence.

In 1755, off the coast of Portugal, an undersea quake spawned a wave that broke the spine of a ship full of wayward girls. The girls had been forced to choose between a convent, or sailing to the New World to marry rough men.

They went for the rough men, but ended up trapped on a sinking ship, until an unlikely passerby offered another hard choice.

Now, 265 years later, their children have returned to Earth, bringing a gift.

If God asks you to pull his finger, don't do it.

Joshua the Prophet was created by God himself, three hours ago, in a pod that resembled a porta-potty hurtling toward Earth. As he approached the humans at divine velocity, Joshua knew he was made for a mission, and it would be so cool to know what it was. God had refused to explain His Divine Plan, saying only that it would be more fun as a surprise.

Joshua suspected he'd been sent to save humanity from the aliens. They had finally made the momentous First Contact, which turned out to be a prank. Now the alien bastards had offered humanity a shortcut to Christian sainthood, Old-Testament style. If you accept their turbocharged grace, the aliens will transform you into the unholy offspring of Mother Theresa and Dirty Harry.

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Half-aliens prowl the Earth, defying our laws, banging our women and laughing at our taxes. I mean really laughing. They think our taxes are hilarious, and how is a man supposed to perform with half-alien women giggling at his pay stub?

Of all the half-aliens, Luci Dark is widely regarded as the most annoying, so they chose her as their ambassador. Now she's shopping for a little patch of Earth to call, home, say, 10,000 square miles. Every right-thinking Human welcomes that idea like a fart at a wedding.

A half-alien colony would really need defending, so they've hired the very human Tom Pine to build robotic sentries, beneath Luci Dark's watchful eye. What could possibly go wrong?